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We Are All ‘Mainstream’ Now

The flag of satire was first hoisted into our skies many years before the internet had begun. We mused as it mocked our floundering society, and I for one could not help but chuckle, furiously, at the astounding wit on display. Such forces of creativity, of uniqueness; the ironic portrayal of a land so distorted that it becomes almost impossible to distinguish between that which is news, and that which we call satire.

One thing remained true. Subversion was always a force for the underground. What use is insurrection if it comes from the mainstream? Your own awareness is surely not enough. Is Justin Timberlake’s Dick in a box ironic? Does that make it subversive? Is that even its intention? We must remember that this song did in fact win a Creative Arts Emmy for Outstanding Original Music and Lyrics.

And how can something which starts out as a parody then be placed alongside the very art that it mocks? What has happened to our world that we are unable to distinguish between parody and art? We are already blurring the lines between news and satire, parody and culture, online and offline. Soon we will be unable to distinguish between reality and fiction. We will live in a world where yesterday does not exist before tomorrow because we will have become so saturated and so similar that nothing can be separated; even time itself.

Ok, perhaps I should slow down. Let us try to recoup. Is it rebellious to simply distort without meaning? There has to be more! There has to be some kind of force, driving our lust for sedition.

So what is this force that attracts us to twisting reality? Are we just trying to be unique? Are we driven by inanity, chasing stupidity and irrelevance, or do we crave something else? Perhaps, within the distortion, there is some vague resemblance of an alternative to the bullshit system we exist in?

Yes, that’s it; we attack the cultural swamp that we are all sinking in. We fight back against the fuck job politicians, and their pretense of intellectual debate; this curtain of haze that covers their real intents: That is their simple desire to keep the Have not’s far away from their castles and moats as they can. We struggle against their childish behavior, the boring, boring, endless cycle of celebrity and political scandal, side by side with enormous disaster and tragedy.

This great force we have, this force of individuality is now lost in a sea of copycat writers. All that is left is the ashes of our once revolutionary flag. The final flame has turned to a cinder. Our last hopes have fallen with the last repost of yet another satirical article on crack smoking mayors, done to a tea, a thousand times over. As if satire was even necessary.

Copycat satirical news sites, built to chase personal glory have to be the most ridiculous example of a culture that is full to the brim. Even the subversive hope to be shared, and liked, and nothing is spared from the social media parade.

And who am I to talk? I am but a part of this swamp, a contributor to the descent. Look at me, I’m writing a blog. ‘Somebody love me’, I would so love to quip. But even that, in my head has a borrowed, (David) Brent(ish) tone to it. I no longer own my imagination. My very thoughts have been put together, scrambled and reassembled more times than to fold paper to the moon. I am certain that if you read this article again, it most likely won’t be from me. I am so sure that this, just like everything else has been said a thousand times before. Even the subversive are mainstream now.

Even Light Isn’t So Fast These Days!

It is far too easy to get excited about things that go really fast. Throughout history, many have gone faster than others: Usain Bolt ran the hundred metres in 9.58 seconds; faster than any man before him. A cheetah can reach 110 km/h; that’s more than twice as fast as Usain. A tornado in Oklahoma created winds with speeds up to 512km/h, which would catch the Cheetah before he even had time to digest Mr Bolt. New Horizons, a robotic spacecraft on its way to Pluto reached a staggering 58,536 Km/h when leaving our atmosphere. Now that’s pretty fast. But still, it’s not that fast… But recently, inside a mountain in central Italy, something went so fast, so incredibly quick, that it threatens to shatter our entire understanding of the universe.

From the CERN laboratory, scientists have sent shockwaves around the world with the announcement that neutrinos have been measured travelling faster than the speed of light or, ‘in superluminal fashion’, if you like.

So why is this important? Surely it’s just another thing going faster than something else, and like I explained, this sort of thing has been going on for ages. What makes this discovery even more underwhelming, is the fact that neutrinos were only travelling faster than the speed of light by a fraction of 20 parts per million (lazy). If Usain improved his time by this margin he would shed a mere 0.0001916 seconds; it would barely be worth mentioning. So what is the point? What is the amazing difference that this will make to our lives?

Firstly, since the speed of light is 299,792,458 metres per second, the neutrino particles were travelling at 299,798,454 metres per second. Ok, so that is pretty fast. Special Relativity taught us that no object with mass can exceed the speed of light; to accelerate above such speed would require infinite kinetic energy; it’s just not possible. Not only that, but as you approach the speed of light, whether you’re 299 million metres per second away or just one, time slows down. It really does, you should try it.

The story goes like this: In the early twentieth century, a little fellow called Albert Einstein postulated 1. The speed of light is independent of the motion of the observer. 2. The speed of light does not vary with time or place. Two observers at different speeds should (according to logic) view light as travelling at different speeds relative to their own motion, just like a badger moves slower relative to a plane than it would to a sloth. Since we know light speed is always constant even for observers at different speeds, time and distance are the variables that must change. As you approach light speed, time gets slower and slower and slower until eventually you just get too tired and give up.

The constancy of light as the limit for all speed is fundamental to our perception of the universe: To travel faster than the speed of light would mean sending information back in time. This means that the rules of cause and effect break down. If cause comes after effect, then we really are screwed. We will be forced to face the consequences of our actions before we make our decisions.

Before you get too excited, and I’m sure you are…these results are certainly counterintuitive and even the research team have been hesitant to formally announce it as a ‘discovery’. Antonio Eridato; super villain/head of the team of scientists living in the mountain retorted that, “Whenever you touch something so fundamental, you have to be much more prudent,” And he’s right, he does have to be prudent. But I don’t. So from now on, it’s official; Effect comes before cause, death before birth. We must now eat our ready meals before we put them in the microwave. You’re all going to have to be on your toes for this one, but if we put our heads together we can have already done it.

Is this mindless?

As I walked across the shards of glass that cover the streets of London, I saw hollowed out shells where raging infernos had destroyed local businesses and family homes. Last night I sat for hours in disbelief, watching the interchanging footage of blazing cars, whole buildings engulfed by flames and running street battles across Hackney, Lewisham, Croydon, Peckham, Enfield, Walthamstow, Brixton, and across other boroughs. After three nights of disorder, the violence has now spread across the country: Birmingham, Liverpool, Bristol and Nottingham have been engulfed by violence. Everyone is quick to condemn the violence, but as the dust settles it’s crucial that we stop to ask the question; how have we come to this?

The Deputy Prime Minister, Nick Clegg denounced it as ‘needless, opportunistic theft and violence’. David Lammy, MP for Tottenham, called the disorder ‘mindless’. The Met Police have described ‘copycat criminal activity’ and Prime Minister, David Cameron has described ‘sickening scenes’. Yet these are not isolated incidences; ‘pure criminality’ and ‘mindless opportunism’ are simply not sufficient to explain how this sort of anarchy can erupt on such a wide scale.So who is really to blame?

The internet is predictably awash with racist, incoherent rants that dismiss any wider context. Some have chosen to say that this is just greed; selfish kids looking to take what they otherwise could not afford. Some blame gang culture and poor parenting. But this surely negates wider analysis: Why have these children been failed by their guardians? Why has a gang culture been allowed to emerge? Such wide scale breakdown of order makes larger comments about problems in our society that must be addressed immediately.

As a local Hackney resident quoted on BBC News retorted, ‘When you’ve got bankers taking their bonuses and MP’s taking money off people like me for their moats, and their chateaus and their castles, this is the result’. Whilst Boris Johnson has spent the last month campaigning for tax relief for the rich, young people have become tired of attacks on their education, their welfare and humiliating stop and search tactics by the police. They have no respect left for authority. So when authority breaks down, the youth simply have no fear, or remorse for their actions. The working classes see the police as the enemy, not as protectors of their rights.

The education secretary Michael Gove stated that looters are ‘operating on the principle of greed.’ Yet this very greed is a product of our society. Nina Power in The Guardian describes ‎”Decades of individualism, competition and state-encouraged selfishness”. Cameron’s ‘Big Society’, aims to ‘unleash our entrepreneurial spirit’; to put the people back in charge of their own lives. In reality, it is no more than smoke and mirrors for an avalanche of privatisation and cuts to public services. With the academization of schools, the rise in tuition fees, education has failed the working classes. The government is simply washing its hands of the pursuit of decent public services. Education and healthcare will be put into the hands of corporations, whose primary aim is not to protect the vulnerable, but in the pursuit of profit. The big society attacks those who are most vulnerable. If we do not protect the most vulnerable members of society, this is what we get: Estates have become breeding grounds for gangs and violence as youth centres are closed down, maintenance loans are taken away and the working class youth are being stripped of the prospect of higher education. Their collective frustration at the society that has failed them has now erupted into anarchy.

This is not the first time our youth have taken to the streets this year. It is by far the most dangerous. Riots are about empowerment: Those who are ignored by society, dismissed as having no hopes are fighting back. Inequality breeds contempt, contempt has now turned to violence. That violence is now tearing apart our neighbourhoods.

But can we seriously call this social violence when the attacks are so indiscriminate? Looters have targeted florists, coffee shops, residential houses and even charity shops. It is hard to find any sympathy when the rioters are destroying their own communities and attacking anyone and anything in sight: Certainly a mob mentality has taken over and the feeling is no longer political, but purely destructive. The truth is, people riot because it makes them feel powerful: Just for a few nights, even if for the wrong reasons, society’s forgotten youth can take centre stage.

 We have to remember that the politics of social disorder are always present. Even if it is not on the minds of those who are looting and destroying, it is always important to remember the history behind violence. It is impossible to understand riot or rebellion without placing it within a historical context.David Cameron today sent out a message that, ‘Justice will be done, these people will see the consequences of their actions…You will feel the full force of the law.’ Justice must be done, but in a wider context. We all must take a long look at how our society operates. Yes, condemn the violence, but all I ask is do not forget the context.